Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries

I felt compelled to write this article today because for some reason the topic of boundaries just keeps coming up for me and my clients at this time.  I’m not sure what it is but I’m listening and taking action.

 So what are boundaries?  Personal boundaries define who you are as an individual and therefore the types of opportunities that you allow into your life.  There are a lot of different aspects of ourselves regarding boundariesand these include:

  • physical boundaries
  • mental boundaries
  • psychological boundaries
  • spiritual boundaries

How we set boundaries and how consistent we are with them can be a defining point in how successful our lives and our businesses are.  Sometimes setting boundaries involves you being courageous, particularly if it is with someone you have had poor boundaries with in the past.  However, the defining thing about boundaries is that they bring clarity. Everyone knows the rules of the game and armed with this knowledge everyone feels safer.

It’s ironic to me that setting boundaries actually increases our security and safety and yet so many of us fail to set boundaries because we think that people won’t like us.  In fact the opposite is true, people with bodacious boundaries have massive respect from others whilst people with poor boundaries can be walked over by others.  I should know I’ve experienced this many times in the past!.

Boundaries play an integral role in all areas of our lives and none more so than when you are with your horse.  I’ve compiled 15 Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries that I often observe when people work with their horses:

  1. Working too close to the horse; not using tools to maintain distance
  2. Failing to maintain appropriate space cushions ie person between horse and the rail
  3. Allowing a horse with questionable intentions into your space
  4. Going against your own rights or boundaries to be nice to the horse
  5. Not noticing when a horse invades your boundaries
  6. Falling in love with a horse before you know them, or with any horse that is inquisitive to you
  7. Pushing emotion at a horse who is not inviting it (touch or attention)
  8. Accepting touch that you do not want
  9. Taking as much as you can for your own reassurance or emotional need
  10. Allowing the horse to take as much as he can from you
  11. Expecting too much too soon from a horse
  12. Letting others define your reality
  13. Believing the horse knows or can anticipate your needs
  14. The boundary should be permeable to let useful information in (accurately reading the small signals sent by the horse)
  15. Not asking for help when you really want it

Do you relate to any of these?  If so check in with yourself and notice if there are any areas of your life where you have poor boundaries.  I bet there are.

Creating boadcious boundaries with money is one of the topics I will be covering at my upcoming one day workshop on Master Your Money Mindset So That You Can Charge What You’re Worth And Get It

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